When I was a single girl I would go out drinking all night and then out for more during the day .( more usually being a mix of food, booze and guys).. basically my days , my life seemed a LOT more organized and FUN.
Maybe it’s just that I went with the flow , the flow of a single girl whose life was always filled with fun and festivities.
People automatically invite you out and there are plans and places filling your future . You can accept plans from girls and guys . From dates to friendships, and from both sexes .
You are open and available.
When you are married you slowly but steadily start to change .
Your places and plans are with your husband . And when that thins out you get used to just existing .
I find myself single again ( well if not entirely single then let’s say available ) but I haven’t found my rhythm yet .
Maybe I won’t be able to until I move into my own place .
I’m still used to planning my days so I will be here when the goat fucker comes home .
It’s muscle memory , and it needs to change .
I am just starting to find my feet in this new world . And it is new and it is complicated . I’m not entirely free to just start shagging everyone and really, do I WANT TO ?
( well yes to the shagging and no to the everyone )
I’m older wiser with more cellulite and yet much much more self confidence.
Gone is that carefree girl that could drink guys under the table and still wake up naked and looking amazing .
In her place is a woman that values her liver, is in need of a wax and will likely do a Bridget Jones clutching the sheet around her when the next morning moment finally happens, and DEFINITELY needs her sleep because no amount of makeup on this planet is going to help .
I need the in between.
I want A life back