July 11 2017

It’s 2:30 am . Full moon, and despite the fistful of pills, I’m still wide awake .
I just started my blog .
I’m not telling anyone.
If I think someone I know is reading this it will freak me out and I’ll edit .
I’m SICK OF EDITING !
All names of kitties and friends shall be changed to protect them … (from fuck knows what )
I hope I’m going to have more WILLPOWER at following through with this than I am with my bass .( which sits in the corner of the room silently judging me )
Oh and my boy ( kitty ) is doing the WEIRD YOWLS HOLY FUCK FREAKING ME OUT !!!
Earth quake ???
It’s so weird

2:36am

14:21
Woke up totally sick .
Throat hurts ,fever, but it helped me make the decision to choose between two things tonight .
I totally feel I am on the right path . The choice was for possible connections that will help me, or a definite connection that will help me . I know it SEEMS like an easy decision but when your head is filled with confusing mayhem , particles of crap and crazy fog, it isn’t always easy, ( there were other factors involving the possible choice .. and no it wasn’t a hot guy )
Anyway decision made . Crazy fog dissipated, for now ( but no doubt lurking in the many cracks and crevices of my damaged brain )
I SHOULD have more faith . Even if my brain gets it wrong my body will get it right .

15:12
This whole cheating husband thing is a major head fuck .
One minute I’m cool chill poised and excited about my future, and the next it’s like every period / PMS you’ve ever had all rolled into one, was just dumped on me .
I’m not shitting you, this is some seriously heavy fucked up crap to go through .
The friends who are putting up with my mood swings are fucking SAINTS ! No actually they are like the saints that’s saints look up to !
Thank you bitches .
I love ❤️ you
( I believe love travels like neutrinos
so they’ll get hit with incognito love particles )

Later that night………………..
Dragged my sad sorry arse home .
Turns out the sure thing isn’t and won’t work out .
It could however turn into some smaller money , some smaller job, and so a little gold brick has been laid on my path to my future .(though this could be more of a tile than a brick but it’s still gold 😝)

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